The Annexe

Cloud of Unknowing

2009-03-24T12:11:00.001-07:00

The Minister of State for Higher Education, the Rt Hon David Lammy MP, took part in BBC TV's Celebrity Mastermind in December 2008. This is a complete transcript of the questions he was asked, and the answers he gave, in the general knowledge round.

Q: What was the married name of the scientists Marie and Pierre who won the Nobel Prize for Physics in 1903 for their research into radiation?

A: Antoinette.

Q: Cockpit Country is a rugged, inaccessible area on which Caribbean island?

A: Pass.

Q: Which fortress was built in the 1370s to defend one of the gates of Paris and was later used as a state prison by Cardinal Richelieu?

A: Versailles.

Q: In February 2008, which Tottenham Hotspur player scored the first goal of Fabio Capello's reign as England football manager?

A: Aaron Lennon.

Q: James Gandolfini played a Mafia boss called Tony in which American television series?

A: The Godfather.

Q: What name is used for the highest gallery of seats in a theatre?

A: Pass.

Q: Which organisation was founded in 1909 as the Home Section of the Secret Service Bureau to counteract the threat of German spies?

A: MI5.

Q: Which American military award is given to those who are wounded in action and bears the inscription "For Military Merit" on the reverse?

A: Pass.

Q: Chris Martin is the lead singer with which award-winning British band?

A: Coldplay.

Q: Which variety of blue English cheese traditionally accompanies port?

A: Leicester.

Q: What term for a top-floor luxury flat originally meant a shed or outhouse?

A: Penthouse.

Q: In 2006 Sandi Toksvig replaced Simon Hoggart as presenter of which topical Radio 4 quiz show?

A: Pass.

Q: Who succeeded to the English throne at the age of nine on the death of his father Henry VIII in 1547?

A: Henry VII.

Q: In chemistry, which French word is used for a tube for transferring measured amounts of liquids?

A: Pass.

Q: Which country's so-called Rose Revolution of 2003 led to the resignation of its President, Eduard Shevardnadze?

A: Yugoslavia.

…making a grand total of three correct answers (MI5, Coldplay, Penthouse), as this irreverent video confirms:

Beautiful old man

2008-10-04T16:28:00.000-07:00

In 1850 Thomas Carlyle attended a grand ball, "the only ball of any description I ever saw." Afterwards he wrote in his diary:

By far the most interesting figure present was the old Duke of Wellington, who appeared between twelve and one, and slowly glided through the rooms - truly a beautiful old man; I had never seen till now how beautiful, and what an expression of graceful simplicity, veracity and nobleness there is about the old hero when you see him close at hand. His very size had hitherto deceived me. He is a shortish, slightish figure, about five feet eight, of good breadth however, and all muscle or bone. His legs, I think, must be the short part of him, for certainly on horseback I have always taken him to be tall. Eyes beautiful light blue, full of mild valour, with infinitely more faculty and geniality than I had fancied before; the face wholly gentle, wise, valiant, and venerable. The voice too, as I again heard, is "aquiline" clear, perfectly equable - uncracked, that is - and perhaps almost musical, but essentially tenor or almost treble voice - eighty-two, I understand. He glided slowly along, slightly saluting this and that other, clear, clean, fresh as this June evening itself, till the silver buckle of his stock vanished into the door of the next room, and I saw him no more.

Taking the Cake

2008-05-01T12:31:00.000-07:00

An extract from Wikipedia's article on Brass Eye
Brass Eye aroused considerable controversy when it was first broadcast, primarily because prominent public figures were fooled into pledging onscreen support for fictional, and often plainly absurd, charities and causes.

The second episode was called "Drugs", and is considered by many to be the most successful of the series. In the opening scene, a voiceover tells viewers that there are so many drugs on the streets of Britain that "not even the dealers know them all". An undercover reporter (Morris) asks a purportedly real-life drug dealer in London for various fictional drugs, including "Triple-sod", "Yellow Bentines" and "Clarky Cat", leaving the dealer puzzled and increasingly irritated until he tells the reporter to leave. He also asks the dealer if he is the "Boz-Boz", and claims that he doesn't want his arm to feel "like a couple of fortnights in a bad balloon". Later in the episode, in the same area, Morris, dressed as a baby with a nappy on and a red balloon-like hat on his head, again asks for "Triple-sod" and then says "last time I came here a friend of mine just got triple-jacked over a steeplehammer and jessop jessop jessop jessop". He also explained that possession of drugs without physical contact and the exchange of drugs through a mandrill were perfectly legal in English law.

David Amess MP, the Conservative Member of Parliament for Basildon, was fooled into filming an elaborate video warning against the dangers of a fictional Eastern European drug called Cake, and went as far as to ask a question about it in Parliament^[1]. The drug purportedly affected an area of the brain called "Shatner's Bassoon" and was frequently referred to as "a made-up drug" (a drug, they were told, not made from plants but made up from chemicals). Other celebrities such as Sir Bernard Ingham, Noel Edmonds and Rolf Harris were shown holding the bright-yellow cake-sized pill as they talked, with Bernard Manning telling viewers that "One kiddy on Cake cried all the water out of his body. Just imagine how his mother felt. It's a fucking disgrace" and that "... you can puke yourself to death on this stuff - one girl threw up her own pelvis-bone... What a fucking disgrace". Manning, along with other participants, told the public that Cake was known on the street as loonytoad quack, Joss Ackland's spunky backpack, ponce on the heath, rustledust or Hattie Jacques pretentious cheese wog, and then informed anyone offered it to "chuck it back in their face and tell them to fuck off".

[1] David Amess's Parliamentary Question

Seven minutes of extracts

Read the entire article

Hanging With Chassis

2008-03-11T12:40:00.001-07:00

This posting has been lifted from Suicide Bots, where the text is no longer properly legible.

In yet another episode of living the life you wish you had, last Friday I extracted myself from the RoBunker and went to witness The Head Rotor and Al Honig, world famous artists, show off Chassis the beer pouring robot.

Ky00t, thy name is Chassis:

Chassis is a remote control/potentially autonomous drink delivering machine. He's outfitted with all sort of things that go "whir" and "blink" and is equipped with a nice pressurized pony keg system for beer or wine or kool-aid or what have you.

Here are Al and The Rotor conferring over some fine point of mechanical artistic theory. Or maybe they are just inspecting the drip pan for leaks.

Here's Chassis posing in the wonderland that is Al's gallery space. You can see from whence he gets his dashing good looks. Chassis is made of several found items and a few things from McMaster-Carr. The red powder coating makes him extra special. Where his headlamp might be is a microphone, and the chrome grill beneath his turn signals is a speaker for audience interaction.

The operator can be outfitted with a headset and cordless phone transmitter along with the remote control (in this case a controller from the system formerly known as Vex) to make Chassis say hello, heckle, complain, offer prurient robot bartender advice, and let you know when your slip is showing.

There were quite a few visitors coming round to investigate Chassis' progress (and drink beer), including the delightsome $teven Ra$pa and Marcia Crosby.

Uncle Flash-O-Matic also stopped by to wish Chassis well and drop off some more junk from the dump (the dump in San Francisco is a freaking treasure trove of joy and wonder for artists of all stripes, it really deserves its own post). Flash is known as the human weather pattern, and will (we hope) be making an appearance at RoboGames with the 240cc V-8 Blender this year. He's all right for a Harvard man.

On the left is The Rotor offering a rare smile. You're so serious, Rotor.

There will be more pix and video of Chassis soon!

This entry was originally posted at Suicide Bots on Monday, February 25th, 2008 at 9:11 pm.

Here comes Chassis

2008-03-11T12:40:00.000-07:00

This posting has been lifted from Suicide Bots, where the text is no longer properly legible.

Well, we've dropped some hints before, but here, folks, comes Chassis. Chassis is a fully mobile remote beverage dispensing unit. Chassis will fill your glass from the spigot on his front, provided you flirt with or bribe him. (Chassis is thus unlike certain Momcorp products where the alcohol goes the other direction).

He (Chassis is unmistakably a "he") is looking a little rough after decades without a touch-up; he has an appointment with a powder coater tomorrow. He'll come back a nice shade of red. We'll get some video up soonish.

Thanks to Jamar for the use of his photo apparatus!

This entry was originally posted at Suicide Bots on Thursday, August 9th, 2007 at 9:35 pm.

Such Darling Dodos

2007-12-27T16:40:00.002-08:00

A compilation of Parky's encounters with Dame Edith Evans and Commissioner Catherine Bramwell-Booth, in five parts (43 minutes overall). Truly, they don't make 'em like that anymore:

Great knees-ups of history, 1843

2007-11-16T01:44:00.000-08:00

Jane Welsh Carlyle goes to a marvellous party:

On Tuesday evening I was engaged to assist at Nina Macready's birthday party---but felt so little up to gaieties on the Monday that I had resolved to send an apology as usual when voilà---on the morning of the appointed day arrives a note from Mrs Macready imploring me almost with tears in its eyes not to disappoint her and her "poor little daughter" by sending an apology---that a well aired bed was prepared for me &c. &c.---this fore-stalling my cruel purpose was successful---I felt that I must go for once---so after spending the day in writing…I dressed myself and sat down to await the fly---"my dear," says Carlyle, "I think I never saw you look more bilious; your face is green and your eyes all blood-shot!" fine comfort when one was about to make a public appearance! "the first time this season." In fact I was very ill---had been off my sleep for a week and felt as if this night must almost finish me. But little does one know in this world what will finish them or what will set them up again. I question if a long course of mercury would have acted so beneficially on my liver as this party which I had gone to with a scared shudder! But then it was the very most agreeable party that ever I was at in London---everybody there seemed animated with one purpose to make up to Mrs Macready and her children for the absence of "the Tragic Actor" and so amiable a purpose produced the most joyous results. Dickens and Forster above all exerted themselves till the perspiration was pouring down and they seemed drunk with their efforts! Only think of that excellent Dickens playing the conjuror for one whole hour---the best conjuror I ever saw---(and I have paid money to see several)---and Forster acting as his servant. This part of the entertainment concluded with a plum pudding made out of raw flour, raw eggs---all the raw usual ingredients---boiled in a gentleman's hat---and tumbled out reeking---all in one minute before the eyes of the astonished children and astonished grown people! that trick---and his other of changing ladies' pocket handkerchieves into comfits---and a box full of bran into a box full of---a live guinea-pig! would enable him to make a handsome subsistence let the bookseller trade go as it please---! Then the dancing---old Major Burns with his one eye---old Jerdan of the Literary Gazette (escaped out of the rules of the Queen's Bench for the great occasion!) the gigantic Thackeray &c. &c. all capering like Mænades!! Dickens did all but go down on his knees to make me---waltz with him! But I thought I did my part well enough in talking the maddest nonsense with him, Forster, Thackeray and Maclise---without attempting the Impossible---however after supper when we were all madder than ever with the pulling of crackers, the drinking of champagne, and the making of speeches; a universal country dance was proposed---and Forster seizing me round the waist, whirled me into the thick of it and made me dance! like a person in the tread-mill who must move forward or be crushed to death! Once I cried out "oh for the love of Heaven let me go! you are going to dash my brains out against the folding doors! " to which he answered---(you can fancy his tone)---"your brains!! who cares about their brains here? let them go!"

In fact the thing was rising into something not unlike the rape of the Sabines! (Mrs Reid was happily gone some time) when somebody looked at her watch and exclaimed "twelve o'clock!" Whereupon we all rushed to the cloak-room---and there and in the lobby and up to the last moment the mirth raged on---Dickens took home Thackeray and Forster with him and his wife "to finish the night there" and a royal night they would have of it I fancy!---ending perhaps with a visit to the watch-house.

After all---the pleasantest company, as Burns thought, are the blackguards!---that is; those who have just a sufficient dash of blackguardism in them to make them snap their fingers at ceremony and "all that sort of thing." I question if there was as much witty speech uttered in all the aristocratic, conventional drawing rooms thro'out London that night as among us little knot of blackguardist literary people who felt ourselves above all rules, and independent of the universe! Well, and the result? Why the result my dear was, that I went to bed, on my return and---slept like a top!!!! plainly proving that excitement is my rest! To be sure my head ached a little next morning but the coffee cleared it…

(Read the complete letter here)